I grew up in a traditional church and had been told that homosexuality is a
sin. For a long time I believed this without questioning it. Of course, this thought – that homosexuality is
sin – made me feel guilty. I tried to abandon or ignore my love for the girls I liked. I thought I must choose
to be single for the rest of my life, especially with so many people reminding me that to love another girl
I prayed to God and asked Him to change me. But God did’t answer my prayer-for-change like he had
answered my other prayers. Then one day, when I found myself deeply in love with another lesbian, I
ask God if I could please be with her? And for the first time, God answered me: No. I was very frustrated
and depressed. I tried to control my emotions but my love for her grew stronger and stronger to the point
that I decided to leave God altogether. I don’t go to my church as often as before because each time I
prayed to God, I was simply reminded that I am a sinner. I could not bear my guilt anymore. It tore me
apart. So I decided to push God away from my life and I choose to search out my true self – that part of
me which had been suppressed and ignored for years. And that is who I am. And I can’t be who I am not
For one or two years I didn’t pray, I didn’t talk to God. I was living on my own; I was the lost sheep. Life is
hard without God, especially when I needed to handle my study and my job at the same time. The
spiritual and emotional stress was so great that at one point I collapsed. So, once again I prayed, and at
the same time, I saw the movie trailer of Prayer for Bobby. I followed the organization who posted the link
and I found an organization that is gay and lesbian friendly and they posted a list of gay and lesbian
friendly churches in Taiwan. So, I sent an email to them asking for a church that is gay and lesbian in
Kaohsiung. They sent me the contact information of Church Alive. I was thinking of going for a short trip
after my exhausting time at work and study. I was planning to go to Kaohsiung, a southern city in Taiwan,
or Sanya, a city in China. I sent an email to Church Alive and asked them if I could come and visit their
church. I prayed to God that if this is a trip that will make peace and rejoin me to Him – that is to rejoin
the real me to Him, the one who has liked girls since a young age, then please let the email reply arrive
the day before the day I must make my decision of which place I should go.
God answered my prayer again. I received the reply from Church Alive right after I had it sent out! God
is so wonderful. So, I went to Church Alive. During the Sunday worship service at Church Alive, I felt
God’s love again. God spoke to me through the Bible, the sermon, and the songs we sang. God was
telling me that He loves me just as I am, that He accepts me just as I am. Just like the song Amazing
Grace (which we sang!). I felt God’s love again and I know clearly that God loves me and accepts me as I
am. I don’t think myself now as a sinner because of my sexual preference. Thank you my Lord who made
me again reborn and who reestablished my connection with Him! Also, I thank you my brothers and
sisters at Church Alive who made me feel I was home again!
However, there were still hesitations in my mind that: doesn’t the Bible did state it clearly that
homosexuality is a sin? I was still puzzled at times. So, when I got back to Hong Kong, I went to Blessed
Minority Christian Fellowship. I asked God to please clarify my doubts about homosexuality as a sin. God
answered my prayer again! When I went to BMCF, they announced that Other Sheep would
come to have a talk about the “ex-gay” movement. I had been told by the traditional church,
and by my cell group leader in my original church, that such kinds of sexual “deviants” can be changed
and that there are actual cases of change. That change might be possible – this was another reason for
my intensified guilt. I used to think why is it that other people could change but not me. Am I not obeying
enough, or am I not faithful enough?
Through his talk, Pastor Steve Parelli shared his own experience with us. It hit me like a
flash of light in the darkest sky. He said he tried to change but he failed. He took all these programs to
try to get back to the “normal” but it did not work for him. And then He shared how he reunited with God
and explained some misunderstandings of the Bible text. It turn out that we, the main-stream traditional
church and I miss-read God’s words, the Bible. There are other interpretations of Creation: that God
creates Man and Woman cannot be taken so literally; it can be read as a partnership. And for the sins
that led to the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, there is no direct relationship to homosexual
behavior. There are other meanings for their sins. And there are other texts that Pastor Steve Parelli
used to illustrate that homosexuality is not a sin.
But I still had some doubts in my mind. What if the traditional church is right and we are wrong about the
understandings of these texts? So I talked to Pastor Steve Parelli in person. I forgot what I asked Pastor,
but I cannot forget what he said to me:
He asked me why I believed in God.
I said: “I don’t want to go to hell.”
He asked: “What is heaven?”
I said: “To be with God.”
He said: “You are now already in Heaven!”
This released me from my doubts. Because I am with God now, there is nothing I should be
afraid of. My God, my Lord and my Father in Heaven loves me so much that he will not let me go to hell
and the most important thing is I am with him now!! That is the truth that God is with me, and I experience
this truth every day of my life, for now and, then, ‘till forever.
Thank you, God, for your guidance. Thank you, Other Sheep, for your fruitful sharing and life
experience. Pastor Steve Parelli, you showed me from your life experience and the love you have
between you and your partner that God is truly alive in you.
Thank you for your inspiration. I used to think, again and again, about the Bible texts that say
homosexuality is sin. Having gone through my searching process, I have come to believe that
homosexuality is not a sin. From my own experience and the re-thinking of these Bible texts, I deeply
believe God lead me to this conclusion: homosexuality is not a sin.
Thank you my Heavenly Father for your guidance!
This article was written, in English, by a lesbian Christian of
Hong Kong who submitted this article for publication on our web
site shortly after Jose and I visited there in July of 2010.
I edited her writing for clarity, flow and grammar. - Steve Parelli
- CHINA 2010: Hong Kong, Guangzhou, Hainan, Beijing
- INDIA 2010: Bangalore, Trivandrum, Alleppey, Cochin
|My journey as a lesbian Christian of Hong Kong,
and how Other Sheep helped to further me along in my Christian life.
From Hong Kong
to the Hudson River of
New York state.
Hudson River from
June 20, 2011
On June 20, 2011, I went up to the
New York state capital in Albany to
demonstrate in support of
I returned to New York City by
Amtrak, a beautiful ride along the
I was exhausted, but I was
determined to get this article
edited for desk top publishing, so I
pulled out my computer.
I had no idea the author was
reporting, in part, on the impact
Other Sheep had made on her life
while Jose and I were there in
Hong Kong last summer.
So I was surprised when I read:
But I still had some
doubts in my mind. What
if the traditional church is
right and we are wrong
about the understandings
of these texts? So I talked
to Pastor Steve Parelli
in person. I forgot what I
asked Pastor, but I
cannot forget what he
said to me:
He asked me why I
believed in God.
I said: “I don’t want to go
He asked: “What is
I said: “To be with God.”
He said: “You are now
already in Heaven!”
This released me from
my doubts. Because I am
with God now, there is
nothing I should be afraid
As exhausted as I was, my spirit
was, of course, lifted when I read
her words. And I thought how
important it is to realize how one
person who, simply continuing in
his or her work on behalf of others,
can make a difference; or how one
simple, earnest comment can
make a change for good.
The Albany demonstration from
which I was returning was just that,
as was every forward step made in
the marriage equality debate: one
person here, another person
there, all speaking sense, all
making a contribution, collectively
making a difference.
I'm just one person, I thought. But
an important just-one-person, like
each and every one of us who
work on behalf of social justice and
dignity for all, wherever - whether
in Hong Kong or in Albany, New
York, or wherever; and for
whatever just cause.
|This web page was created and published June 26, 2011, Bronx, NY
Visits to this web page since June 26, 2011
|By an anonymous lesbian Christian of Hong Kong